philw696
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Lived there for 2 years and had some of the best times in my life back in the early 80's.
Terrible Jokes Thread
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MarkMas
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zagatoes30
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Pinched from a friend who posts these sort of things daily but this one amused me more than most
Haven't seen the Michelin man in a while.
Maybe he's re-tyred.
Haven't seen the Michelin man in a while.
Maybe he's re-tyred.
philw696
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One for the weekend.
A woman had a dog which was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbour’s male dog while they were away on holiday.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart:
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said. "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erect!on and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" She asked with suspicion.
"It just worked on me." He replied....
A woman had a dog which was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbour’s male dog while they were away on holiday.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart:
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said. "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erect!on and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" She asked with suspicion.
"It just worked on me." He replied....
midlifecrisis
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Rookie Astronaut: I can't find the milk for the tea?
Veteran Astronaut: No one can. Here, use cream.
Veteran Astronaut: No one can. Here, use cream.
Zep
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MarkMas
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MarkMas
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I'm deffo making that for my next dinner party!
philw696
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MarkMas
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I was in Spain a few years ago, staying overnight at this little country taberna. I started to feel really ill, and I asked (in my terrible Spanish) if there was a doctor in the village. They said, "no", but said there was a doctor staying, who would be happy to help. I expressed surprise, and they said, "Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."
Zep
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Fixed that for you
You too?
Zep
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For some, perhaps.
philw696
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A bodybuilder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was suntanned everywhere but his penis. So, he went to the beach, naked, and buried himself in the sand with only his penis sticking out.
Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this penis sticking out of the sand. One of them moved it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There isn't any justice in this world."
Her friend asked her what she meant.
"When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the **** things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."
Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this penis sticking out of the sand. One of them moved it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There isn't any justice in this world."
Her friend asked her what she meant.
"When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the **** things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."
