Terrible Jokes Thread

BJL

BJL

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1,364
They have put a chemical in the pool water at David Lloyds so that if a man pees it turns red and if a woman pees it goes blue.................
Wife and I looked like the red arrows doing a length yesterday
 
philw696

philw696

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25,365
Deaf couple get married and during the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language).

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the Wife proposes a solution.
"Honey." She signs. "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have Sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left Breast one time.
If you don't want to have Sex, reach over and squeeze my right Breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his Wife. "Great idea! Now if you want to have Sex with me, reach over and pull on my Penis one time. And if you don't want to have Sex, reach over and pull on my Penis fifty times."
 
M

MAF260

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7,662
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: £1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: £2.50 HAND JOB: £10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
 
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