News articles that make you laugh.

Wack61

Wack61

Member
Messages
8,794
Not worth starting a thread , just been reminded of something that happened a while back

Some years ago I sold a 4.0 S Type to an African guy

Got a call at 10am , deep African voice

Is the jaguar still for sale

Yes

give me your address

4 hours goes by , nothing so I call him back

Ah yes, the jaguar , where are you located

Warrington

Where is warrington

Between Manchester and Liverpool, where are you

Where am I, near the airport , expecting him to say Manchester or Liverpool

Which airport

London City Airport

FFS , that's 220 miles away

No no I am coming do not sell it

4 hours later a car pulls up , a couple in full African dress get out

They look round the car so I start talking to the guy that drove them here , after a minute it dawns on me it's a taxi , from london

We go for a test drive , he's happy so he pays

then we get to the V5c , he's exporting it to tanzania , not a clue how to do that so he gets on the phone and comes up with an address in milton Keynes , not my problem

Then he pulls out a roll of £50 notes , must've been 20k and reels off the asking price

I show him the controls, set the satnav to a hotel in manchester

He gets in the car and ******* boots it off the drive , I was amazed he didn't do a burnout , **** me

got about 50m , reverses almost as fast

Winds the window down

Do you have insurance for me to drive this vehicle

No, I've got insurance for me to drive it

It is of no matter , then he shot off down the close

I stood on the end of the drive for 5 minutes thinking what the **** has just happened

A month or so later it was showing as exported
 
MarkMas

MarkMas

Chief pedant
Messages
8,934
Wack61 said:
Not worth starting a thread , just been reminded of something that happened a while back

Some years ago I sold a 4.0 S Type to an African guy

......
Click to expand...

Was the cash real? I'm told if you do a cash deal, do it in the bank branch and deposit it immediately, so there is no counterfeiting risk.

About 20 years ago my parents were selling their flat in London. Some dolly-bird turned up saying that her boyfriend is buying a flat for her. She liked the place and said she would pay the full asking price (only about £100,000 back then). She asked how these things work, and whether if she came round the next day with the cash, she could move in by the weekend.
 
Wack61

Wack61

Member
Messages
8,794
MarkMas said:
Was the cash real? I'm told if you do a cash deal, do it in the bank branch and deposit it immediately, so there is no counterfeiting risk.

About 20 years ago my parents were selling their flat in London. Some dolly-bird turned up saying that her boyfriend is buying a flat for her. She liked the place and said she would pay the full asking price (only about £100,000 back then). She asked how these things work, and whether if she came round the next day with the cash, she could move in by the weekend.
Click to expand...
Yes it was real, he was on a buying spree of rhd cars to export

I've no idea how much cash he had but 3k didn't make a dent in it , could have been 50k

When he signed the v5c he wrote something after it , I googled it and it was something like , one born to rule
 
Felonious Crud

Felonious Crud

Administrator
Staff member
Messages
21,187
MarkMas said:
Was the cash real? I'm told if you do a cash deal, do it in the bank branch and deposit it immediately, so there is no counterfeiting risk.

About 20 years ago my parents were selling their flat in London. Some dolly-bird turned up saying that her boyfriend is buying a flat for her. She liked the place and said she would pay the full asking price (only about £100,000 back then). She asked how these things work, and whether if she came round the next day with the cash, she could move in by the weekend.
Click to expand...
A mate of mine was selling his house a while back, closer to 7 figures than 6. Another mate's uncle, fresh from a stint at Her Majesty's pleasure, offered him the asking price plus £50k if he'd take cash. Declined. As my mate said, what the **** am I going to do with all that in cash??
 
Wack61

Wack61

Member
Messages
8,794
midlifecrisis said:
This made me laugh. He says is because of his beliefs, Cootes says because he's skint. I say, go on then move abroad.

BBC News - Nigel Farage bank account shut for falling below wealth limit
www.bbc.co.uk

Nigel Farage bank account shut for falling below wealth limit, source tells BBC

Nigel Farage's account with the bank Coutts is not being closed for political reasons, the BBC is told.
www.bbc.co.uk
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In the 80s I inherited a business selling shoes , all welted from the many manufacturers across Northamptonshire

a woman came with her son to buy a pair , got her cheque book out and wrote the cheque out, a bank I'd never heard of , I viewed it with suspicion but she had a cheque guarantee card and it looked legit so I took it ,but it was eating at me so I walked round to barclays to pay it in , is this cheque OK

the guy behind the counter started laughing , I think you'll be OK with this one , Coutts & Co :D
 
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spkennyuk

spkennyuk

Member
Messages
5,962
Felonious Crud said:
A mate of mine was selling his house a while back, closer to 7 figures than 6. Another mate's uncle, fresh from a stint at Her Majesty's pleasure, offered him the asking price plus £50k if he'd take cash. Declined. As my mate said, what the **** am I going to do with all that in cash??
Click to expand...
Imagine if he had put it back in the bank it had been take from !:beat_brick::1389:
 
Felonious Crud

Felonious Crud

Administrator
Staff member
Messages
21,187
spkennyuk said:
Imagine if he had put it back in the bank it had been take from !:beat_brick::1389:
Click to expand...
The sins of the uncle were more on the 'pharmaceuticals' side.

The last mate that tried an armed blag (this was a few years back) ended up sat on the floor waiting for the police because the bank had just fitted fancy new security screens which clattered down as soon as the withdrawal intentions of the visitors became clear.

Robbing banks ain't the easy crime it used to be. Now you need a degree in hackery.
 
midlifecrisis

midlifecrisis

Member
Messages
16,229
Felonious Crud said:
The sins of the uncle were more on the 'pharmaceuticals' side.

The last mate that tried an armed blag (this was a few years back) ended up sat on the floor waiting for the police because the bank had just fitted fancy new security screens which clattered down as soon as the withdrawal intentions of the visitors became clear.

Robbing banks ain't the easy crime it used to be. Now you need a degree in hackery.
Click to expand...
You've kept your criminal past quiet...
 
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