midlifecrisis
Mancunian
- Messages
- 16,335
Terrible Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Zep
- Start date
philw696
Member
- Messages
- 25,785
Peter had been in Police work for 25 years.
Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible... He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door.. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. 'Name's Cliff, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'
'Great', says Peter, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you...'
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking.' 'Not a problem,' says Peter. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting too.' 'Well, I get along with people. I'll be all right! . I'll be there. Thanks again.'
'More'n likely be some wild sex too,' 'Now that's really not a problem' says Peter, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.
By the way, what should I wear?'
'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.'
Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible... He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door.. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. 'Name's Cliff, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'
'Great', says Peter, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you...'
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking.' 'Not a problem,' says Peter. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting too.' 'Well, I get along with people. I'll be all right! . I'll be there. Thanks again.'
'More'n likely be some wild sex too,' 'Now that's really not a problem' says Peter, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.
By the way, what should I wear?'
'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.'
DLax69
Member
- Messages
- 4,386
Nibby
Member
- Messages
- 2,151
...prior to that I was in a band called The Radiators.
We were the warm up band.
lifes2short
Member
- Messages
- 5,867
perfect for the foot fetish folk on this forum, the wife tends to like honey on mine
midlifecrisis
Mancunian
- Messages
- 16,335
midlifecrisis
Mancunian
- Messages
- 16,335
I was having a lovely meal with a lovely lady who also happens to be a nurse. Anyway, the conversation is going well and so is the meal. We move on to the main course. Suddenly, a piece of meat got stuck in my throat and I'm struggling to breathe. Realising what was happening, my date ran off.
Some nurse I thought, probably on strike.
Anyway, she came back and said drink this lager. I gave her a quizzical look but she insisted. I drank the lager and it easily dislodged the morsel and I could breathe again.
She promptly told me that's the Heineken Manoeuvre...
Some nurse I thought, probably on strike.
Anyway, she came back and said drink this lager. I gave her a quizzical look but she insisted. I drank the lager and it easily dislodged the morsel and I could breathe again.
She promptly told me that's the Heineken Manoeuvre...
Last edited: