Terrible Jokes Thread

[zagatoes30]

To all you romantics out there top advice from Mr Bean

 

[philw696]

 

[philw696]

 

[CatmanV2]

I know you all live in awe of my electrical prowess, so I thought I'd share this! Found it on Facebook, but am ordering one right away. Wish I had it last week to change Mrs C's battery!

C

 

[philw696]

I know you all live in awe of my electrical prowess, so I thought I'd share this! Found it on Facebook, but am ordering one right away. Wish I had it last week to change Mrs C's battery!

C

Don't forget your leather welding gloves mate

 

[CatmanV2]

Don't forget your leather welding gloves mate

Real men use nitrile

C

 

[CatmanV2]

C

 

[zagatoes30]

Sometimes my wife tries to confuse me by hiding things for fun

She put socks in my sock drawer,
Hangs my shirts up in the wardrobe,
Put shoes in the shoe cupboard,
Even put tools away on the tool box

FFS

 

[CatmanV2]

C

 

[CatmanV2]

I'm confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living

C

 

[zagatoes30]

My kids hate passing cemeteries, every time I see one I say "Why are cemeteries so popular? Because people are dying to get in there "

To which they reply "Dead Boring"

 

[Harry]

Sometimes my wife tries to confuse me by hiding things for fun

She put socks in my sock drawer,
Hangs my shirts up in the wardrobe,
Put shoes in the shoe cupboard,
Even put tools away on the tool box

FFS

So frustrating! I didn’t realise that not putting tools away is a male “thing”. I have spent the last 30 years putting Mr Harry’s sodding tools back in the toolbox. Next time I will throw them down the garden!

 

[Ebenezer]

Tools are the one thing I always put back and moan when other do not!
Eb

 

[Flint]

One of my pleasures in life is walking in the garage to get ready for some enterprise and just simply pick up what I need because it's all in its proper place :
One of them, one of those, two of them, a bit of that etc etc.
God, I'm so sad

 

[CatmanV2]

I *wish* I had the habbit of putting my tools away! Never find the damned things, and it's my own bloody fault

C

 

[safrane]

I would advice all of you ensure you put your tool away as you can get into serious trouble if its left out.

Also make sure you put it into the right box, this can leave you in a very difficult situation if you have to explain why it ended up there in the first place!

 

[philw696]

My Tools are my Best friends and have served me Well for 45 years.
They are nearly as Well Travelled as Judith Chalmers.
Most people are in awe when they take a look at them especially when they realise how old some of them are too.
Look after them and as Peter said put them into the right box too

 

[Flint]

What's a "habbit" ?
Is it like Elmer Fudd and his "wabbit" ?

 

[Phil H]

I *wish* I had the habbit of putting my tools away! Never find the damned things, and it's my own bloody fault

C

What you need is an intelligent mouse:

Why Wales' tidy mouse loves 'mousekeeping'

A mouse spotted tidying a shed may be building a nest, and enjoying the process, experts say.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[CatmanV2]

What's a "habbit" ?
Is it like Elmer Fudd and his "wabbit" ?

Be vewy vewy qwuiet! See? Twice you have me!

C